Saying Good-Bye

Good-Bye

We say these little words all the time and for the most part it's no big deal.  As moms, one of the first skills we teach our children is to wave "bye-bye."  It's fun and so cute to see our little ones wiggling their little fingers and waving their chubby little hands.

I'm glad that as a child I never had to know just how hard saying good-bye can be.  It breaks my heart that my daughter is not so lucky.  You see, she is a part of a military family.  Last week we had to say good-bye to our best friends.  

Here is our story.

Jake and I were newly married and navigating the joys of flight school.  I say joys now but at the time it was more of a headache.  The never knowing your schedule for the next day until the night before, the endless hours of studying, and the stinky laundry that just kept piling up.  That was our life.  In the midst of this Jake came home from work and told me we'd been invited to a BBQ. Yeah! I was excited to have something normal to do that didn't involve helping Jake study EP's.  I made a pan of brownies (the gooey, delicious kind with Hershey syrup and frosting on top), and away we went.

I laughed more that night as I watched a 2yr old Jack smear brownie from his head to his toes than I had in a week.  The crazy part was that his mom, Em, was so chill about it. That was the beginning of a great friendship, yet I knew then I would never be that cool.  

Back in those days, we lived within walking distance from each other so we started spending more time together.  It was great.  I played cars with Jack and got to hold Levi who was such a cute little guy.  Em's house was of course cleaner and better decorated than mine and I knew once again I would never be that cool.

Fast forward a little bit and we're all stationed out here in sunny California.  Along come Zoe and Arlo (so glad you didn't name him Benny).  In the beginning Z would spend more time staring at the boys than actually playing with them but with-in a couple months of us moving to the same town she began to refer to the boys as hers.  When we would go to the playground she would ask if "her boys" were coming, or when we'd go swimming Z had to make sure "her boys" were going to be there.  

Zoe started following the boys around and trying her hardest to keep up with them.  I loved watching the changes that were taking place in my little girl.  Z went from being afraid of almost everything to being the first one to climb down in the riverbed and the last one to want to leave.  At the same time I was learning from Em that it's okay when clothes get dirty and shoes come off so toes can squish in the mud.  I was amazed that Em could leave the park with 3 boys in tow and not a spec of mud on her and I just had little Zoe and both of us a muddy mess.  Once again, I just wasn't that cool.

But, as with normal life in the military it's time for a move. So we had our friends over for one more BBQ before they headed back east.  As Zoe gave each one of "her boys" a giant hug and kiss good-bye my heart began to break a little.  Em has encouraged me and helped me to be a better mom. I long for her secret to staying cool and not losing my temper, I envy her clean house with everything always in its place, and I will never be as put together as she is.  I will however be a better mom each day and treasure our friendship always.

No matter who it is you may be saying good-bye to, know in your heart that it doesn't have to be forever.  Let their memories live in you and choose to make a difference for someone else in the same way they made a difference for you.

In our case Good-bye is not forever.  It is simply, see you later!

Military Life

We woke too early, the sun had not yet risen.

The alarm told us harshly what we already knew.

It was time to go.

It was time to say Good-bye.

I hug my Marine tightly.

He hugs our little girl just one more time. 

She says, "Daddy go trip."

Then asks, "Daddy be home soon?"

We survive the first day but already miss his presence.

As soon as Daddy leaves something has to break.

The garage door quits working and the weed eater quickly follows suit.

The jogging stroller tire goes flat and garbage disposal is making a funny sound.

A few more days pass and we settle into a routine.

My Zoe girl is back to singing.

Her nonstop chatter is my favorite sound.

We play patty cake, and color in books. We smile and eat ice cream.

The routine grows normal but the house is empty.

Zoe says she misses Daddy and hugs her teddy tight.

She crawls into my lap to snuggle.

I wrap her in my arms and kiss her little head.

We venture out on each new day, we have to live our life.

Zoe sees another Marine and looks at me with great big eyes.

Hang in there little one, he's not your Daddy.

The Marine smiles and gives her high five.

We make a calender and cross off days.

Zoe counts them as they pass.

She gets her phone and plays pretend.

She tells Daddy everything he is missing.

I miss him too my Zoe Bug.

I wish he were home safe each night.

Daddy misses us just as much.

He wants to see you grow.

Others will see us and ask how we're doing.

The answer is always, "We're fine."

Military families are built from the heart.

Ours is no exception.

Some days I'm stronger than others.

There are lots of days we play and we laugh.

There are some days it hurts so much I cry.

I know it's alright.

For many, military is just a word.

For me it is my life.

I am proud of my Marine, he choose to serve our country.

Our path may not be easy but it is what we know.

The day will come when he comes home.

My arms will fly wide open.

He'll pick up our little girl and spin her around.

Tears will slip down my cheek.

Until that day comes, my prayer is simply this.

Protect us Lord, as we're apart. Be our strength and our shield.

Teach us to grow as we press on. 

Strengthen our love, increase our heart.

Lent

I am not catholic nor do I know any of the history or tradition associated with Lent.  You are probably asking yourself why indeed I am writing about such a subject.  It is simply this.  I want to share my experience with you. 

The Sunday before Ash Wednesday our church encouraged us to give up something for Lent.  Jake and I came home and talked about whether or not we wanted to participate in this church wide challenge and if so what in the world were we going to give up.  We quickly ruled out food options. Lots of people give up sweets or soda but we decided that if we were going to do this challenge we wanted to give up something that we could look back on at the end of 40 days and say yes that made a difference in my life.  We wanted to do something that wasn't necessarily easy for us to give up but at the same time we knew that if we made it too complicated or demanding we wouldn't stick to it.

What we came up with was this.  We gave up wasting time via the Internet. We still checked email and facebook.  I still looked up a recipe here and there but we did not linger on the Internet cruising the latest news headlines or following those ever so tempting pinterest links.  I then began to use the down time I had, primarily during Z's nap but also after her bed time, to read my Bible.  In less than a week I had finished Genesis and Exodus and was well into Leviticus.  The reality check was setting in hard about just how much time I spend on the Internet.  I had made the decision a long time ago not to be on the Internet while Z was awake but I hadn't realized how much of her sleep time I was wasting. 

I don't think the Internet is a bad thing and I will continue to use it often but the reality check that I walked away with was amazing.  I will be more intentional with my time and I will not let it waste away.  Participating in Lent this year didn't make me a better person but walking away from it knowing I am making a change in my life for the better of myself, my family, and my friends is more than worth it.

Good Moms Say No

Zoe and I started off our shopping trip with the shoe store.  Z needed some new sandals for summer and I wanted some as well.  We each picked out a pair and headed on our way.  Before we even got to the car Zoe was asking to put hers on.  I was a little hesitant to let her because they were the flip flop type with the little thing between the toes.  Last summer I couldn't get her to wear that type at all and I knew that her tender little feet would be sore from walking in them until she got used to them.  I had several things I wanted to get done in the next few hours and a whiny toddler was not going to help anything.  I gave it some thought and let her put on the new shoes.

Now you're asking yourself why I titled this "Good Moms Say No" and then told you a story about saying yes to my 2yr old.  Here's the rest of the story. 

Zoe and I spent the next 2 hours walking around different stores getting in and out of the car and having a great time.  Our next stop was the library. I decided to spend a little more time here than I originally planned so Zoe and I gathered a stack of books, snuggled into one of the couches, kicked off our shoes, and started reading.  Forty minutes later we emerged with new books to take home and feet that were ready to go again.  We pressed on for another hour and accomplished everything on the list. As we walked out to the car Zoe asked if we could go to one more store.  I was more than a little surprised because by this point I could tell that her flip flops were starting to bother her.  Out of curiosity I asked what store she wanted to go to and she said, "bookstore" (Barnes & Noble).  It was in the same parking lot as the last place we were so we loaded our purchases into the car, I picked up my child, and we headed into the bookstore.  Zoe asked to walk almost as soon as I picked her up.  I kissed her little head and said, "No Sweetheart." Zoe picked out a new Curious George book and it was finally time to head home.

Is telling my child "no" when she wants to walk by herself a big deal?  It depends on the day.  There were lots of reasons for me telling her no. The two biggest ones being, I knew her feet were starting to hurt and it would be A LOT faster for me to carry her.  Knowing when to tell your children no about something can be a bit tricky at times.  There are no hard and fast rules but here are a few of my thoughts on it.

#1. Are you telling your child "No" for them or for you?
This is a question I ask myself often.  It helps me to keep things in perspective and it makes me be a better mom.

#2. Be consistent.
Jake and I have both said that this is the hardest aspect of being a parent.  I know there are times that you want to let things slide but there's just no other way to get around it.  If you want to be an effective parent you have to be consistent.

#3.  Be selective.
I've heard it said many times, you have to choose your battles.  Let me say it this way. Only say "No" to things that you are willing to follow through on.  Your toddler will pick up on your empty threats and it will undermine your authority.

#4. Say "No" in different ways.
Hearing "no" often elicits a knee jerk reaction from adults and the same is true of children.   When Zoe asks to go to the park I can say "no." Or, I can say, "We will go to the park tomorrow."  Another way we say "no" is simply restating rules that Zoe already knows.  For example, When Z asks for candy I remind her that we don't eat candy right before dinner.

#5 When you do say "No."
Get on their level. 
Make eye contact.
Be clear and authoritative.
Personalize it, "No, Zoe."
Use your body language as well as your words.

Saying "no" to those sweet little eyes looking up at you is really hard sometimes, especially when they say "please" in that precious little voice.   At the end of the day though you are the parent and it is your job. There are going to be days that I don't say no when I should and I am going to make mistakes.  The good news is the next day is a fresh start.  I love my daughter and for that reason alone I will tell her "No."

St. Patrick's Day Fun with a Toddler

Life with a toddler is just too fun to not make the most of a holiday.  St. Patrick's Day is no exception.  I started out the month looking for ideas off Pinterest or wherever else I could find them.  Of course, I added my own twist because very few things work as well in real life as they do on Pinterest so here are a few of my favorites.

1. Follow the rainbow to find the pot of gold- This has been an on going thing each day.  I got a couple spools of rainbow ribbon and started it in Zoe's room then trailed it throughout the house for Z to find when she wakes up.  Her "pot of gold" was just some black foam we cut out and glued plastic gold coins to until this morning when I switched it out for a little pot of chocolate coins.

Zoe and Levi following
the rainbow

Pot of gold safely hidden

        

Z climbing a chair to get the gold

Rainbow trail over the basket of balls

The chocolate gold!

 

2. Shamrock painting-I convinced a friend to do this one with me because it's always more fun to make a mess at someone else's house. Hehehe. My friend supplied the washable paint and I brought some green peppers and it was game on.  We cut the peppers in half and then let the kids dip them in paint and onto some paper.  We ended up with a lovely shamrock sidewalk and four painted kiddos but they had a blast.

 

Z painting her leg 'cause
that's what kids do.

Shamrocks

 





The boys

Painting fun



The sidewalk after we were done
 

 3. Shamrock garland-This was almost too easy but I like that it lets Zoe work on so many skills in one project. All it took was a pack of shamrock shapes I picked up at the dollar store and some ribbon.  We used a heart shaped hole punch because it was the easiest to find in my way overstuffed craft cupboards and then Z got to thread the ribbon through and tie the knots.

 

Our finished product



Zoe and Mommy



4. Shamrock sun catchers-I did this first for a Valentine's Day craft at a play date but loved it so much we did it again.  First we cut out a large shamrock outline, then we press it into some clear contact paper, lastly we stick lots of little tissue paper squares to it.  So fun!

 

 

 5. Handprint shamrock-I enjoy doing handprint crafts because it's fun to watch and see how much they grow.  This one was really easy. I painted Z's hand green then we pressed it onto some white paper.  Convincing her to let me paint her hand did take a little doing but I like how the finished project turned out.

 

 

 

6. Green cookies-No St. Patrick's Day would be complete without green food of some kind so at our house it's cookies.  We took a basic sugar cookie and simply added green food coloring.  Zoe might have eaten more cookie dough than dinner today but oh well.  We had a great time working together in the kitchen and that was what was important today.

 

Helping Mommy stir

Taste testing :)



It's days like today when I can sit and look at how much fun it is to be a mom and I know without a doubt that I have the greatest job in the world.  It has been a busy month but spending time with my daughter is priceless.

The Baby I Didn't Know I Wanted

The new year rolled in and with it came all the usual chaos.  Jake was preparing for a busy month at work, Zoe and I were juggling play dates, story time, gymnastics, and of course all the everyday chores that need doing.  We took a road trip to visit some family, and had a water leak in the bathroom that required some serious attention from the plumber. Then, of course there were plans for Valentine's Day and a visit from Granny and Poppy. 
It was in the mist of all this that I began not feeling well.  I was worn out and constantly queasy.  Like most moms, I was powering through it because there just isn't time to be sick.  Then I realized what was going on.  I knew I was pregnant!  I didn't say anything to Jake just yet.  I needed to see the little plus sign appear on the pregnancy test before I could really believe it myself. 
The next day I loaded up Z Bug and we made a trip to the store.  I knew the directions say wait until morning to take the test but I wasn't really feeling the wait.  Sure enough, bright pink plus sign. Wow!  I struggled with shock and feeling very overwhelmed all day long.  That evening as I told Jake about the little life growing inside me we were both speechless.  This wasn't something that we had planned or expected but just knowing the miracle that life is there is excitement and joy that goes with it.  I was on an emotional roller coaster for most of the week following.  I hadn't planned for Zoe to have a little sister but now that a new baby was on the way my heart was full of love for this precious life. 

Then our baby died.

I cried.

For a couple days my mind spun out of control.  Why had God given us this miracle baby only to take her from us?  Did I do something to cause this?  Is this some sort of message from God to get my attention?  Is there something wrong with me?

This wasn't our first miscarriage. It is number three. 

Again, as my doctor began running test to determine what exactly was going on, my mind began to spin.  Will Jake and I ever be able to have another baby? How many times do I have to say goodbye to the little life inside me?  Why is this happening?

Then I felt peace.

I knew in my head I didn't want to live out the "what ifs." I choose not to let the unanswered questions determine the course of my days, my weeks, my life.  I choose to move forward and to grow stronger. I choose to trust.  I choose to love.  I choose to love my husband. I choose to love my sweet Zoe.  I choose to love my babies that I have never held in my arms but will forever hold in my heart.

Taking a Sabbath When You're a Mom

One of the common things that I run into with myself and other moms is that we are always just so busy.  We want to do everything we can for our families but in doing that we are moving away from the long ago tradition of taking a Sabbath day.  A day to turn off the hectic buzz of life itself and to tune into what really matters. 

I have no magic answers and there are no secrets that can make this happen overnight but let's talk through this idea of taking a Sabbath day.

#1. Decide that it's important to you. 

There are two reasons why it is important to me to have a day of rest.  One is that God tells us to.  Exodus 34:21 Six days you shall labor, but on the seventh day you shall rest; even during the plowing season and harvest you must rest. 
The second reason that a day of rest is important for me, is the health benefits that go along with it.

The hard part of this point is not debating that God tells us to or that it would be good for us. The hard part is that you have to decide that it's important enough that you're willing to make it a priority.  The idea of a day off is amazing but the reality of making that happen might be overwhelming if you don't have a plan. 

#2 Have a plan and follow through.

If you simply say you're going to rest on Saturday this week, but don't come up with a plan to make that happen, it never will.  As a wife and mom you know that there are things you do each week.  Laundry, house work, grocery shopping, cooking meals, and much more.  Plan your week in a way that you know when everything will get done and then do it.

*Perhaps the most critical part in having a day of rest is what happens on the other six days.

Pray for increased productivity on the other six days and trust God to bless your efforts.  Then on your day of rest choose not to worry about all the things you should be doing.

#3 The reality of a day of rest.
 
Be flexible. You are still wife and mom and things seldom go exactly as planned.

A day of rest doesn't mean a day being lazy. Do something you love. Gardening, a day at the beach, read a book, or go on a family outing.

Recognize that a Sabbath for you might not be an entire day maybe only an afternoon.

Don't create rules for what you can or can't do on your day off.

Use it as a time to disconnect from your work and technology and a time to connect with family and friends.

Separating one day from the frenzied blur of the other six allows us to slow time and savor it's goodness. To snuggle our little ones just a little more, to hug our spouses a little longer, and to open our hearts to new growth and deeper love.