Friday, September 27, 2013

Mommy

Mommy.  That one little word has so much emotion attached to it.  It meant the world to me when that dollar store pregnancy test read positive.   It made me cry when I first heard Zoe cry. Mommy is the way I refer to myself a hundred times a day while I interact with my daughter. I am passionate about being a mom and being the best mom I can be for my Zoe bug.

In the last few days Zoe has switched from calling me "Mama" to calling me "Mommy."  It is a small change I know but it is just one more example of how fast our kids grow up.  I have often been asked if I feel like the time is going too fast.  And each time I give my answer I get different responses.  Well, that's fine.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  But I will share my answer to that question with you this evening.

Do I feel like the time is going too fast? No. No, I don't.  I know, I know I just commented about how Zoe changing from calling me mama to mommy is yet another sign of how fast time goes by.  Well, that's just it.  The time does go by fast.  That is why I have chosen to be present in her life.  That is why I read to her everyday.  That is why I play tea party and build towers with her, I tell her stories I make up as they go along, and I talk with her while we wander the isles in the grocery store. That is why we sing songs in the car and we do the hand motions for every nursery rhyme I know.  That is why I push her on the swings, I climb up the slide at the playground with her, and I play hide-n-go seek all over the house.  I know the time is going fast and I want to make the most of all the time I have.  I don't want to look back in six months or six years and ask myself where I was while Zoe was growing up.  I want to look back and see that I was right there with her. 

I don't feel like the time is going too fast because I am living out each day with my daughter.  Not all days are fun and games.  We still have sick days and bad weather days and stay in our pj's days and don't leave the house days but those days are important too because they are a part of who we are. 

We all have the same amount of time each day and each of our days go just as fast so please chose to be present in your children's lives.  When our little ones are grown we won't remember what happened in which season of our favorite TV show, how many text messages we got covering the latest neighborhood gossip, what the latest buzz was blowing up facebook, or which DIY craft project was all over pinterest.  We will remember the time we spend with our children.

Zoe is worth my time.  I am blessed to be her Mommy.


Monday, September 23, 2013

A Weekend Away

Friday afternoon I got in my car and drove up into the mountains to spend the weekend at a ladies retreat. 

One would think that after such a weekend I would be bursting forth with inspiration and motivation.  I should have something profound and life changing to write about.  The truth is I don't. 

You may be thinking to yourself that we must not have had a very good speaker but I promise you that is not the case.  Our keynote speaker for the weekend was wonderful.  She did something that not many people are willing to do.  She talked to us about life.  About her life.  She is a beautiful example to me that how you see someone today doesn't show you anything about their yesterday.  I loved her words and her honesty.

The problem is this.  I sat up there and met new people and made new friends. We talked, we laughed and we even did some crying.  I kept having the same thoughts come back to me. Why was I so willing to invest in these strangers but I ignore the strangers in my everyday life.  The mom at the playground that I force myself to make small talk with, the lady sitting by herself at the ice cream shop, the older gentleman out for a walk with his dog that Zoe just has to pet, and even the couple that sit just down the row from me almost every Sunday at church. 

It's time for me to get outside my comfort zone and make an honest effort to reach out to others.  So, wish me luck.  I have a fresh batch of cookies Zoe and I are going to take over to the neighbors house this afternoon.  Yikes!

Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Toddler Temper Tantrums

I have been told that temper tantrums are a normal part of having a toddler.  I choose to not except that.  Temper tantrums may be something every child goes through but Zoe and I are learning together how to conquer this monster.  There have been days that the tantrums have gotten the best of one or both of us but we are not giving up.  We don't want temper tantrums to have a place in our home.

There are no magic answers but here are a few thoughts on toddler temper tantrums.

1. A temper tantrum is a toddler's way of expressing the frustration of that moment. 
It may be frustration at not getting their way, at not getting the toy they want, of not having control of the situation they are in.  It could be their frustration at not having the ability to communicate what they want, what they are feeling, or what they need.  It's hard to be little.

2. Temper tantrums are not 100% avoidable but there are ways to prevent them.
*When your toddler is hungry, thirsty, or tired they have a lower threshold for what they can handle and temper tantrums are much more likely to occur. 
*Plan ahead!  If you are going shopping go when they are fresh.  If you are going to be waiting in line take a snack or toy with you.  Don't linger next to something that you have already told them no about.
*Let your toddler feel some control by making appropriate choices.  When it's time to get dressed let her choose the pink dress or the yellow one.  At lunch time, grilled cheese or crackers with peanut butter.  Then praise her for the choice she made.
*Talk to your toddler.  Although they may not understand everything you are saying they might surprise you by what they do pick up.  Tell them what needs to be accomplished before you can leave for the playground.  For example, we are going to go potty, get dressed, brush hair, and pack a snack. 
Also give them a warning when you are going to be transitioning to a new activity, ex. you have 5 more minutes to color then it's time for lunch.

3. Decide ahead of time how you are going to handle the tantrum.
Many people will tell you the best method for dealing with a tantrum is to ignore it.  Well, this doesn't work for me.  Ignoring the poor behavior doesn't help Zoe to feel validated and it doesn't help me to feel like the best mom I can be for my daughter.  Here are some of the ways we handle different tantrums.
*Encourage your toddler to use their words.  Although your toddler may not voice a complete thought chances are good she can get her point across. For Zoe, "no no door" is likely to mean that she didn't want Mommy to close the door she wanted to do it herself.  Once she has had her say then I am able to reply, "I know you wanted to close the door but Mommy did it this time. Thank you for telling Mommy.  I am very proud of you when you use your words."  When she is able to have her frustration repeated back to her it validates what she is feeling and lets her know that though I may not agree with her I am aware of her desires. 
*Create a diversion.  This is not my favorite way of dealing with tantrums but it can be very effective.  For example, while grocery shopping Zoe spies the gummy snacks that although she has never had before she just has to have now and a full blown meltdown is about to take place laying in the middle of the isle.  I may ask her "What sound does a kitty cat make?"  Since kitties are currently her favorite thing in the world (Thanks Auntie Anne) I am likely to hear "meow" for the next two isles but by then I'll have her busy helping me find some crackers or whatever else is on the list.  This is also the same situation in which after Zoe has spied the gummy snacks and is about to become a hot mess I will reach in her bag and pull out a toy or other previously stocked snack to distract her with.  These are the times a toddler's short attention span comes in handy.
*Physical contact-my hand on your hand.   This is used when the tantrum is about doing something that the toddler doesn't want to do.  If you tell your toddler to put on her coat only to be met with a tantrum, ignoring your child will give her exactly what she wants.  Not to put on the coat.  Time-out in this situation would do the same thing, it would prolong the little one putting on the coat.  Try this instead, tell you toddler I'm going to put my hands on your hands and we're going to do this together. Then you can gently force the coat on.  Picking up toys might go much the same way.  When the child begins to throw a fit at having to pick up you can tell your toddler I'm going to place my hands on your hands and we're going to do this together.  By the time the toys are picked up the tantrum is often forgotten.
*Hugs. Giving the temper tantrum toddler a hug is both one of my favorite and one of my least favorite things to do.  You may think this is the last thing you want.  Your screaming child right next to your ear but it can be very effective.  I'm talking about a big firm hug, not a super cuddly one.  Hugs can make children feel secure and sometimes they just need a safe place where they can get their emotions out.  Holding a fighting toddler is not easy, but once Zoe has cried for a minute she is ready to snuggle, talk, laugh and move on.


4. A few key things to remember. 
*Speak calmly
*Keep your own temper in check. You're not going to get anywhere with your toddler if both of you are screaming at each other. Take a deep breath, gain control over your emotions, and then talk to your toddler.  Firmly let her know that tantrums are not acceptable behavior.
*If you give in to the tantrum by giving your toddler what they want or letting them get out of doing what they don't want to do the tantrums are going to continue.
*Remember, your ability to stay calm and in control will help your toddler feel secure.
*If you lose your cool or give in to your little one's demands, you'll only teach your toddler that tantrums are effective.
*It's okay to ask for help.  Talk to your friends, your parents, and your pediatrician.  They might have a suggestion that can really make a difference.

In closing, do Jake and I think that our house will be temper tantrum free? Not likely.  We do however know that as we learn to work through these temper tantrums we are showing Zoe that she is important to us.  She is a very special part of our family and our home is a place she can feel safe.  A place she can express the things she is feeling, but most of all a place that she is loved. 





Friday, September 13, 2013

Friends

There are so many different types of friends that it's hard to group them into this general thing we call friendship. I want to share with you my thoughts about some of the different friendships in my life and why I am thankful for them. 

My Husband-This one is first because this is the friendship that is the most important.  I am thankful that he is mine and he knows me like no other. He encourages me to grow and become a better version of myself.  I am so thankful that he values me and our relationship above all others.  He is my best friend and I wouldn't have it any other way.

My Best Girlfriends-These ladies are awesome. They are the people in my life that I spend time with on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis.  I am thankful that we are able to bounce ideas off of each other and learn from one another's mistakes. I am thankful for the play dates with our kiddos, the bbq's with our whole families, and the ladies nights with just us.  It's with these ladies that I am truly in my own skin.  I don't worry about how clean my house is or if Z is having an off day.  I am thankful that these ladies can make me laugh, or let me cry.

My Mentors-These are friendships that I value greatly.  They are people that I can learn from.  They are friends that will challenge me to get outside of myself and grow.  I am thankful that they hold me accountable and push me to want more for myself. I am thankful that they make me evaluate what is important to me and what I am passionate about.  They have taught me to dig deeper into my relationship with God, and to live a life that will leave a legacy.

My Fellow USMC Spouses-These ladies take the cake.  I am thankful that it doesn't matter if we just met or have known each other for years.  They get it.  I am so thankful for the support that is offered with this unique group of friends.  Long explanations are never required but these friends are always there. I am thankful for pizza night when our husbands are in the field and babysitting night when he's not. 

My Acquaintances-It is this group of friends that reminds me how important it is to live a life I'm proud of.  I'm thankful that they are my constant reminder to let Christ's love show through my actions.  If they only see me for a few minutes I don't want them to see me loosing my temper, being disrespectful to others, or complaining about whatever situation I may be in.  I am thankful that my acquaintances make me watch what I say and the attitude with which I say it.

So you see, these are just some of the different friendships in my life.  Our friends are people just like us.  They need to know that they are important and that we appreciate the role that they play in our lives.What friendships are you thankful for today? Have you told that person? 

A friend's worth cannot be measured with dollar signs but with the words that are spoken of them.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Crafty Time with Little Ones

With fall quickly approaching a girlfriend and I decided we wanted to do a fun craft project with our little ones.  After just a few minutes on Pinterest my head was full of ideas.  So many cute craft projects and they all make it look so fun and easy.  The part that has me laughing out loud however is this.  They either neglected to mention the mess that comes with the craft project or our kiddos are superstars at going above and beyond.

This is how our project went.

We gathered the supplies.  Paint, paper, potatoes, tissue paper, glue sticks, wet wipes, and 3 of the cutest kids around.

First order of business is cutting the potato into the shape of a leaf.  Ha!  It looked so easy in the picture.  It wasn't.  Our "leaves" were more like weird shaped stars and pointy ovals than leaves but we press on.

It's time to head outside.  It would have been cooler and perhaps more comfortable to stay inside for craft time but, we know our kids and paint was coming up next.

I start with the oldest and paint his hand and arm then show him how to press it onto the paper thus making a tree. It worked! In fact it worked so well he decided doing hand prints on the paper was way more fun than using the funny leaf shaped potato stamp.  Zoe on the other hand was not letting the paint anywhere near her hand.  I had to sacrifice my own hand for her tree but at least she caught on and mastered the potato stamp.  As for child #3, he hand printed, leaf printed and had a grand time smearing paint everywhere!

Onto the next phase.  Tissue paper and glue sticks.  Now that the kids know how to make the tree it's time for tissue paper leaves.  We have a huge assortment of tissue paper in fall colors (at least 5 times more than we needed) and let them go wild attaching the "leaves" to the trees. 

When all was said and done. We had a bite taken out of the raw potato stamp, and another out of a glue stick, paint on hands, feet, arms, legs, faces, and hair. We had a wall covered in glue, a sliding glass door with green, orange, and yellow paint on it.  We had squares of tissue paper and wet wipes spread all over the patio.  But best of all we had 3 of the cutest kids ever with their fall craft projects drying in the breeze.





Monday, September 9, 2013

Yes Lord Yes

This evening as I sit here and gather my thoughts I can feel God prompting me with the chorus of a hymn I learned as a child.

Yes, Lord, yes, to your will and to your way.
Yes, Lord, yes, I will trust you and obey.
When your Spirit speaks to me with my whole heart I'll agree
And my answer will be yes Lord yes.

If only it were that simple.  I don't always say yes to God's will though.  I don't always say yes to His way of doing things. Some days it is hard for me to trust Him and some days I disobey. 

Why is that?

Because I am a sinner.  I mess up. I make mistakes.

No big words.  No excuses. No religious sounding explanations.

A while back I sat in a church service and began to hear God prompting me to speak to an older lady that was sitting a couple of rows in front of me.  It was not a very full church service and there was no one sitting between myself and where this lady was.  I knew that I had briefly been introduced to her before but I didn't remember her name. 
The singing part of the service was going on and I knew that I'd be given a chance in a matter of minutes to speak to her.  By this time God was giving me the words to say to her to encourage her.  I was overwhelmed in my own head, struggling with whether or not this was really a message from God and if it could really apply to this lady. After all I didn't really know anything about her.
The signing had ended now and we were given a brief break to greet the people around us.  This was my chance. 
I stood frozen in my seat.
I was far to uncertain of myself to approach this lady and speak to her.  The moment passed and the message began.  What do you know though? God's still there whispering in my head that I need to talk to this lady.  He is giving me very specific words to say and rather than pay any attention to the sermon I am practicing in my head how to approach this lady.  I'm going over and over it and battling back and forth in my mind if this could really be what God is telling me or not.  I decided to make a deal with God. (I know, crazy right.) Anyway, I told God that if it was really Him that when the service ended I'd be easily able to slip over to this lady and speak with her.  But, if it wasn't from God then someone would get in my way or she'd go the other way or something.  The reality is it should have been really easy to get to her because there was no one sitting between where I was and where she was. 
So the service ended and we're all standing up to be dismissed.  As soon as the Pastor says the last word the person on my other side turns to me and asks me a question.
It wasn't just one of those "How are you today?" questions. It was a legitimate question that needed my attention and needed a response.  So I take care of the situation and then when I turn back toward the lady she is gone.
I was a bit discouraged.  But then I thought to myself oh well, must not have been a God thing because I should have totally been able to get to her.  As the afternoon went on though I just couldn't get it off my mind.  In fact it came to my mind several times as the week went on. I thought about the lady and the words God had given me for her all week long.
The next Sunday came around and I am in church again and sitting in just about the same seat.  As I looked up I see this lady walk in again.  She walks past me and she walks to just about the same spot as the week before.  Before she even sits down though I see another person walk up to her.  Someone I know and have a lot of respect for.  This gentleman greets her very warmly and then begins to speak to her.  I am two rows back but I can hear the conversation.  He is saying to her the exact same words that God had given me.  You can see peace and joy just wash over the lady as she is encouraged by the words the man is speaking to her.  It is a beautiful moment.  I know she is being blessed by the words he is saying to her. I was so happy for her but I was so sad for me.  I had missed an opportunity to be used by God.  I wasn't willing to follow the path that He had for me.

I have learned from this experience. Yes, I still have doubts and questions from time to time but I want my answer to be Yes, Lord, Yes.

Yes, to Your will and Yes, to Your way.
I want to trust, I want to obey.
When Your Spirit speaks to me with my whole heart I'll agree
And my answer will be Yes, Lord, Yes.

Thursday, September 5, 2013

What? Not even for $5?

My husband received a phone call the other day from the local cable TV provider offering us a cable TV package for just $5 a month.  Sounds like a great deal!  Well, he declined their offer.  The sales person was very surprised and couldn't believe that we didn't want to take advantage of such a great opportunity.  Seeing as we didn't have any current TV package he thought the $5 a month price was unbeatable.  Jake explained to him it wasn't that the price was too high it was that he didn't want to watch TV.  Again the sales person thought that for $5 a month it was irresistible.  Jake resisted.

Here's why. 

A few years ago Jake and I decided to get rid of our cable TV.  We had only been married a short time and we found that more evenings than not we ended up sitting in front of the television together yet apart.  It's true we were side by side maybe even holding hands but we weren't paying attention to each other.  We weren't engaging one another in conversation, and we weren't challenging each other to grow, to reach out, to become involved in the world around us.  We were simply existing until it was time to go to bed. 

After choosing to turn off the TV we started spending more time doing other things.  We took walks, played games, wandered the isles of Lowes and Home Depot, read books, worked puzzles, and spent time sitting on the couch just talking.  In the next months we grew closer to each other and looked forward to our evenings together.  We weren't just existing, we were investing time into each other and into our marriage. 

Having Jake tell me about the phone call as we spent our evening together was a great reminder of how much I love our life.  We cooked dinner together, we played with Zoe and put her to bed.  We cleaned up the kitchen and sat down to fresh baked brownies and a game of cribbage.  We talked, laughed, smiled, and kissed. 

Is $5 a month a great price for a cable package? Probably.  But having a husband who chooses to spend his time investing in me and Zoe is worth so much more!

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Day #1 of Big Girl Panties

The time has come.  I have decided to give this whole potty training thing a shot.  We have bought the cute little 2T undies, the potty seat, and the flushable wipes.  The bathroom is stocked with M&M's and stickers along with hand sanitizer, paper towel, and Clorox wipes. 

Zoe has been telling me for months now when she has to poo poo and for the most part when we are at home she does a great job of using the big girl potty for this.  Pee pee on the other hand, well here's how our day went.

Woke up this morning and got the princess out of her crib.  Talked to her about how proud I am of her and what a big girl she is becoming.  Took off her diaper and let her pee pee on the potty.  So far so good.  Put on pair #1 of big girl panties.  Life doesn't stop for a week as I would like it to while we are getting started on this new adventure so a trip to the grocery store was in order.  Not feeling brave enough to leave the house without a diaper on Little Miss we took panties back off and put a diaper on.  I did let her sit on the potty again before doing so. 

Off to the commissary.  About 20 minutes in Zoe tells me she pee peed.  Good job Princess.  Except she wants candy for pee peeing so now in the middle of the commissary I get to explain to her she only gets an M&M when she pee pees in the big girl potty not her diaper.  She wants to use the big girl potty in the commissary.  I wasn't prepared for this (she is wearing a diaper after all) so I tell her not today.  Crisis averted.

Arrive back home.  Off comes the diaper and naked baby streaks around the kitchen while I put groceries away.  We head upstairs she sits on the potty and I tickle her.  Yeah for pee pee. She gets candy and I'm thinking this isn't so bad.  We eat lunch and she gets a fresh diaper to go down for her nap. 

Zoe wakes up from her nap after only 50 minutes (normally she naps for 2 hours).  She is upset that she pee peed in her diaper.  Panty #2 goes on.  We play for a little while only for me to look up and see her sitting in a puddle.  She looks at me and asks "pee pee?"  We clean up and are on panty #3.  We head downstairs to play for a while.  I attempt to get pictures of my girl and her fist day of big girl panties but am interrupted by Zoe pointing to her panties and saying pee pee.  We make it to the potty to finish but not before a small puddle has formed under her feet.  Zoe went through panty #4 and #5 in much the same fashion.  She is great at announcing she has to pee right after starting to go but saving just enough to make it to the potty and earn the much sought after M&M. 

Panty #6 I do believe is my favorite of the day.  Daddy arrived home from work and is cuddling on the couch with the Princess.  I warn him she hasn't been saying pee pee until she has started to go so they have a blanket folded underneath of where Zoe is perched.  Less than a minute later Jake asks "Why is my side all warm and wet?"  Yes, I'm laughing out loud at this.  Jake takes Zoe to the potty and she gets one last pee pee in before it's into the tub and off to bed for the night. 

So yes, we had a great time hanging out together today.  Zoe got a half dozen M&M's and I mopped the floor more than once.  Did I know this morning Zoe would go through 6 pairs of panties?  No. Do I think Zoe is any closer to being potty trained?  Not exactly. Is Z going to wear big girl panties again tomorrow? You bet!