Now that Christmas has come and gone we have just a few days until New Year's. With that many people have begun to think about New Year's resolutions and whether or not they are going to make one. I will admit that I typically enjoy making one. There have been years that the resolution I made was about things I wanted to improve and there have been years that my resolution has been more about new experiences and enjoying new things.
One of my favorite resolutions that I ever made was also one of the hardest ones for me to keep. I want to share a little of that story with you in a hope that as you think about your resolution this year you won't shy away from picking something that you don't necessarily want to do but that in the end will have great rewards.
This was a few years ago, I was at a point where I didn't have much of a relationship at all with my parents. In the years prior there had been many hurtful things said on both sides and I simply chose not to include them in my day to day life anymore. In the previous year I had probably only talked to my parents 2 maybe 3 times. They were living in Michigan while I enjoyed sunny Florida. This was also before my parents discovered the wonderful world of facebook so they really had no idea what was going on in my life nor did I with them.
So, New Year's rolls around and I know it's time for a change. My older brother played a big part in encouraging me to step up and do something to reach out to my parents. My resolution was this. I would have contact with my parents twice a month. You may be thinking in your head that's no big deal but for me it was huge. Looking back I can say with certainty it was the pivotal moment in my relationship with them.
The first month I called them within the first week. It was stressed and awkward and neither of us had much to say. I was dreading calling again so I kept putting it off. The next time I called when I knew they would be gone to church and I would get the answering machine. I survived January. February was next and with that was my Mom's birthday. I sent her a card in the mail and made a phone call a couple weeks later. Awkward again. Two months down ten to go.
The spring months I don't remember specifically but I know I sent a Mother's Day card, a birthday card to my Dad, an email here and there, and I made a few phone calls. I remember every month putting the phone calls off until the end of the month and then being relieved when they were over.
Along came summer though and something began to change. At this point I have had more contact with them in 5 months than in the previous 3 years combined and I began to find that I had things that we could talk about. I didn't dread each phone call quite so much and I didn't cringe every time they would answer the phone instead of the machine.
Summer turned into fall and leaves began to change. There were times I would get frustrated with my parents and their way of thinking just as I'm sure they got frustrated with me. But we had reached a new point in our relationship. I didn't have to pretend that the past didn't exist and I was strong enough to disagree with them without arguing with them.
I continued my twice a month contact right up through the end of the year. At the time I remember being greatly relieved when December was over and I knew I didn't have to call them the next month. But as many of you have probably guessed I called anyway. The hard part was done and now I could call just to say hi. In the years that have passed between then and now I have continued to build a relationship with my parents. I value them and the relationship we have now and chances are my mom is even getting a little teary as she reads this because I know that she values what we have just as much.
So, this year I'm not sure yet what my resolution will be but I know that I don't have to be afraid of doing something difficult because the reward at the end is worth all of the work that goes into it.
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