Yr my hape Valntin!

You're my happy Valentine!

Zoe and I have been counting down days for a month. Often when Jake leaves we make little countdowns or chains to keep track of how long until he comes home. It helps Z to keep things in perspective and gives her something to look forward to or at least an end point to focus on. This time I didn't make anything right away because we are also working on getting everything packed in order to move to our new house when Daddy does come home. After about the first week of Zoe's constant "how much longer" I knew we needed to get a countdown going. So, we made a little calendar with all the important days marked out. There is a star at the end on the day Jake comes home, a couple smaller stars along the way to mark out play dates and other events we have going on, and a heart for Valentine's Day. 

Because of this, Zoe has asked me several times to tell her about Valentine's Day. We have talked about everything from St. Valentine to hearts and flowers and ways to show the people in our lives that we love them. One day we decided to make a trip to Michael's.  Zoe picked out a little box for her Daddy and lots of sequins and stickers to decorate it with. Since then she has told me 3 or 4 times that she is working on a surprise for daddy to go in his box. It makes me smile to see her create little things for him and there have been days this month that I have definitely needed a smile. 

This morning though, she absolutely made my day. When I went and got her from her room she gave me a great big hug and said Happy Valentine's Day. We ate girl scout cookies for breakfast and then she told me she had a surprise for me. It was a paper with the words, Mommy I love you. You're my happy Valentine. Zoe. Of course the words weren't all spelled correctly but she had made it all by herself just for me. 

I have felt several times this month that I have had to be such a mean mommy. Z has been super emotional and there have been meltdowns almost every day. I spend so much time trying to be consistent it's exhausting. In all this though my sweet little girl still shines through. She makes me want to be the best mom that I possibly can be. I love you Zoe, you're my happy Valentine too!

Breathe In and Breathe Out

My precious little girl is 4 years old and tonight I rocked her to sleep. As I sat there I kept thinking about how my thoughts mirrored ever so closely to those I had the evening I wrote my very first blog post. I didn't know 3 years ago that our life would be the same in so many ways yet so vastly different in others.

As I was tucking Zoe in I asked her if she wanted to rock for a little while. I knew the answer would be yes. She has long passed the days of needing to be rocked to sleep and she hadn't had a rough day or anything like that. The truth is I wanted it as much as she did. 

I wanted her to know that she is loved. She is more important to me than the kitchen that needs to be cleaned or the rest of the house that still needs to be put to right before I can call it a night. She is more important than catching up on emails in my inbox or the book on my nightstand that I have read the same 3 pages of several times now because I keep falling asleep. I wanted just for a moment to rock back and forth and breathe in and breathe out.

It can be overwhelming to look at this new year and all the ups and downs that I know it will hold. I can choose though to take the moments that are right in front of me and make the most of them. I can choose what I allow to be my priorities and what I allow to consume my time. My prayer tonight is that I will make wise choices. That I will choose love and not selfishness, and that I will slow down and use every opportunity that God brings my way. 

An Adventure

Mommy, I want to go on an adventure.

Those were the words that came out of my little one's mouth with only an hour left before bedtime. At this point I had options. 1) I could distract her and we could simply play until it was time to get ready for bed. 2)We could load up into the car and head to the grocery store to buy a box of kleenex since I've been out for the last 3 days and using toilet paper to blow noses. Or, 3)we could go on an adventure.

Many times I take the first route. It's easier. When it's an hour from bedtime I rarely have the energy to tackle an outing even if it's just to get a box of kleenex. When it's an hour from bedtime on a day when Jake is working late yet again after being gone on a cross country over the weekend and I haven't had a break at all, I really don't have the energy. Tonight was different.

Tonight, I stopped for a minute. I looked down at my girl and she looked up at me with all the hope and innocence I love about her. I knew then I wanted to spend the last hour of her day investing in her and showing her she is worth my time. God has blessed me with such a special little person I want to make the most of each moment we have. She said, "Mommy, hold my hand and let's just go."

I reached down and grabbed her little hand and out the door we went.

We were in the garage now and I needed a plan and quickly. So, I picked up a plastic bag and we each put on a pair of gloves. We began walking down our street. As we walked we talked. Okay, maybe we didn't talk exactly. She asked questions and I did my best to answer them. But it was great. We spent the next 45 minutes on our adventure. We filled our bag with all the trash we found along our path and talked about everything from brier weeds to butterflies.

As I was tucking her into bed she said, "Mommy, I liked our adventure and we even made our street a little cleaner for the next person."

Looking for some trash to pick up.

Yucky garbage

Loved our Adventure!

Life During Deployment-Today I Cried...Again

     We are well past month 5 of this journey that seems to linger on and on and....you get the point. There are days that Zoe and I fall into our schedule and life seems perfectly normal and there are days when part of our world is simply missing.
     Yesterday Zoe and I slept in and had a lazy morning. It was fantastic. We feasted on doughnuts and chocolate milk for breakfast while we watched her favorite Minnie Mouse cartoon. After a while we decided to head into town to do a little shopping before making our way to her friend's birthday party that afternoon. My girl even chose In and Out for lunch which was a real treat. She chatted nonstop the whole hour that it took to drive up to the party. I loved it.
     We arrived at the party and Zoe wasted no time in joining the other kids on the playground. She spent most of the time sliding down the big grass hill rather than the actual playground equipment. I just smiled and watched. Every kid should have the freedom to get some good grass stains once in a while. We all came inside and ate pizza and cupcakes. In true party fashion the little ones got to take a turn at the pinata and then the mad scramble was on for candy. Everyone was having a great time. The birthday boy opened presents and the children played some more while the parents took turns sharing stories and laughing at each others kids.
     It was about this time that Zoe came over and crawled up on my lap. I told her to go back and play with her friends and let her know it was going to be time to go soon. She looked up at me with the biggest, saddest eyes and said she just wanted to go home now. Definitely not the response I was expecting so I took her aside to see what had happened. Once we were out of sight of the other children her tears started streaming down her little face. "I miss my Daddy." Followed by more tears and her sad little words. "Everyone else has a Daddy here but my Daddy is gone."  My precious Princess, it's so hard when a simple kiss can't fix your little heart and make things right in your world again. I held her close and we talked about Daddy and how much he loves her and everything she can't wait to do with him when he does come home. After a few minutes, she pulled it together and said happy goodbyes to her friends and we loaded into the car. I made it about as far as the end of the street before the tears started steaming down my own face. I miss him too sweetheart.
     It was a fairly quiet car ride home but you can bet that when Zoe asked me to rock her for a little while before going to sleep I didn't hesitate to say yes. It didn't matter that it was already past her bedtime or that I was beyond exhausted myself. We snuggled into the rocking chair and cuddled until we were both almost asleep. I whispered "I love you" as I tucked her into bed. She opened her eyes a little and said, "I know Mommy.  Daddy loves us too." Then she snuggled into her blanket and drifted off to sleep. So peaceful and so precious.

The Heart of a 3yr Old

Having a 3yr old is a blast. I love the way my little one will tell me what she is thinking or how she feels about something. Of course, there is no filter on her so sometimes you get more than you asked for but I still love it. 

This morning I was talking with Z about today being Thanksgiving. We talked about what it means to be thankful for something and then talked about different things she was thankful for. From there we talked about what we were going to do, what food we were going to cook, whose house we were going to, and who the other people were that would be there. Our talk went much as I expected it would with the usual answers and comments from her. 

I headed off to the kitchen to begin the preparations for my part of the meal. I smiled as I heard her walk down to her kitchen and begin to play in there. I like hearing her playful sounds and it makes me happy to see her use her imagination. After a few minutes, I peeked around the corner to check on her. This is what I found.

It only took a minute for me to see what see had done. She set out a table cloth and then made a picnic for her family. There was a plate for Mommy with salad and a cupcake, a plate for herself with cheese and a cookie, and a plate for Daddy with the largest sandwich possible. I told her I liked the picnic she made and asked her what she was doing. Her reply was that she was feeding Daddy because she is just so thankful for him. She told me she knows that he is on his big long trip but she is still just so thankful for him and loves him.

I love my precious girl and her great big heart!

Life During Deployment-Today I Cried

So, today I cried.  

Zoe has made no secret of the fact that she misses her Daddy.  She tells our neighbors every time we walk to the mailbox. She tells the cashier at the store no matter which store it is. On Tuesday, she told her gymnastics coach, only to remind her again on Wednesday when we saw her that she, "Really misses her Daddy." I've completely lost count of how many times my precious daughter has looked up at me with those great big eyes and said, "I just miss my Daddy."

I love that Z can express herself as well as she does and I'm glad that she tells me when she is missing him. It gives us the chance to color pictures to send him, to pray for him, and to look through the flip book of pictures of her and her daddy together. It encourages me to keep him a present part of our home and to talk about what he might be doing that day. It also gives me the chance to snuggle my girl just a little bit more and to pass on the "I love you"'s that she desperately needs to hear. 

Today though, was different. Today Zoe got a video message from her Daddy. It was really to both of us, but for my Zoe girl, all she cared was that it was Daddy. Not once today did I hear the words, "I just miss my Daddy." Instead I heard, "Zoe wants to watch Daddy one more time." Followed quickly by "Just one more time, Mommy. Please, one more time." 

As I watched her run back to the computer time after time today my heart just filled up. I could see the beauty in her innocent love for her Daddy. I could see the hope in her eyes that her Daddy's face would show up once again. I could see the passion she felt over this simple connection to her Daddy. It captured my heart over and over.

So tonight as I go to bed, my prayer once again is simply this:
Protect us Lord as we're apart. Be our strength and our shield.
Teach us to grow as we press on. Strengthen our love, increase our heart.

Z showing "Pretend Daddy" the video

Waving "Hi" to Daddy

Sitting on the table to watch her video

Watching her Daddy video yet again...

Hugging "Pretend Daddy" while she watches.

Watching Daddy one last time before bed.

The "Terrible Twos"

The second year of life is known by many as the "Terrible Twos."  I will admit that going into this year with Z I was a little apprehensive as to just what lay ahead.  Now that we are at the end I am excited about everything I learned and so proud of my little girl.  We had some ups and downs for sure but I'd like to share a few of my thoughts on parenting with a 2yr old.

Communicating Makes all the Difference.  I can't tell you how many times over the last year I have told my daughter to "Use your words."  The tricky part was that I also had to learn to use my words.  I stopped simply saying "Use your words," and started asking,  "Do you feel mad, or tired."  I would ask, "Is this puzzle too hard for you?" or "What can Mommy do to help?"   Sometimes you need to put the words out there for them.  Teach them to say what they are feeling or why they are feeling it.  The more they practice the easier it will be for them do it on their own. 

I remember one morning this spring when Z was being really antsy.  I was feeling less than patient because we needed to get going and she was bouncing off the walls.  I sat her in my lap and asked her what her deal was.  She looked back at me and said "Zoe excited!"  I laughed out loud.  I wasn't expecting an answer and didn't even know she knew what excited meant.  It was so cute.

Conquer the Tantrums. Temper Tantrums are one of the biggest challenges with a 2 yr old. They are not completely avoidable but there are things you can do to minimize the risk of one breaking out.  Be aware that their threshold is lower when hungry or tired.  Take a step back and try to understand your child's perspective.  As a 2 yr old they are learning that the world doesn't revolve around them and that other people have needs and feelings too.  It's a lot to comprehend for your little one. Temper tantrums are their way of voicing the frustration they are feeling.  So, have a game plan and know how you want to handle the tantrums when they do pop up. Here's a link for a few of my thoughts on Toddler Temper Tantrums.

Encourage Independence. Your 2 yr old is changing from being a baby to a little person with ideas and opinions of their own.  Let them.  Give them specific responsibilities.  A 2 yr old can do lots of things around the house and allowing them to help out builds their confidence. Zoe has been responsible for picking up her toys and putting her clothes in the dirty clothes basket for quite some time now.  This year she has also learned to help set the table and take her own plate to the sink when finished eating.
I have also learned to let her make age appropriate decisions.  The key to this is giving specific choices not asking open ended questions.  "Do you want to color or play with play dough?" or "Do you want apple slices or grapes." Not "What do you want to do?" or "What do you want for snack?" Giving your toddler the power to make specific choices each day allows them to feel like they have some control while still maintaining your routine and accomplishing the things that need doing.    

Other Keys to Remember.

*Teach your little one how deal with their emotions. They are becoming very aware of themselves so acknowledge what they are feeling and help them to process it.

*Handle negative behavior as it happens. 

*Patience is of utmost importance.  If you want them to respond calmly you have to keep your cool too.
*Be aware of how much sleep your little one is getting. Most 2 yr olds need an average of 13 hours (10 to 12hrs for nighttime and 1-3hrs for nap).
*Challenge their creativity.  At this point a lot of their learning happens through play so let them finger paint, play with shaving cream, and build forts under the table.  Building their creativity now will open doors and help them learn to problem solve as they get older.

I have had a blast with my little 2 yr old this last year. It wasn't all sugar and roses. We had one day that it took 45 minutes and tears from both of us to get Zoe in the car seat and buckled. It was rough. But we also had days that we laughed so hard we couldn't catch our breath.  I love to watch Zoe as she learns new things and I am so blessed to be able to invest in her life.  She is worth the all tears, the laughter, and the smiles.  As the 2's are slipping behind us I am so excited to see the 3's.