Thankfulness-Even though I Don't Want to

My, how quickly fall has arrived.  Here in southern California it can at times be easy to forget that fall is in deed here.  The days are still sunny and warm and the leaves are still green.  I did however, get the chance to drive up in the mountains this week and we saw first hand that fall is in full swing.  Pumpkins are ready for carving, apple cider is being made, and leaves are vibrant shades of red, yellow, and orange. 

It is with this holiday season approaching that I am currently stuck on this thought of giving thanks.   I'll be honest with you and tell you that I don't really place much value in all the "I'm thankful for..." stuff you see this time of year.  I figure if people really want to develop an attitude of thankfulness it is something they should work on all year round not just when Thanksgiving is around the corner. 

However, I have found myself in recent days very critical of others when they are complaining.  I typically ignore people who are frequent complainers, but I have brushed off people this week and even this evening who have simply hinted at little complaints.  My mind has little red flags that jump up when I am being less compassionate towards others than I should be and it tells me I need to change my behavior.  In my head, the opposite of complaining is being thankful.

So, even though this is definitely not my favorite time of year to work on developing an attitude of thankfulness this is where I am headed.  I don't like it when people are critical of me so I am making a conscious choice to work on developing an attitude of thankfulness. 

Way back in June a friend and I had a good conversation about choosing to be thankful every day.  She suggested each day you have to pick out something different to be thankful for and write it down.   It keeps you motivated to find new ways to be thankful but also lets you read back through everything you have already given thanks for.  I didn't start this back then but I'm going to give it a shot now. 

I can't stop the people in my life from complaining but I can change the way I respond.

Leftovers

I ran out of clean tupperware containers today because they were all in the fridge filled with leftovers in varying stages of decomposition.  It was well past time to clean out the fridge and toss the old food.  Some dishes were almost empty, some were not touched since the day they were put in the fridge, and  some were well...growing.  This task did however get me to thinking about leftovers.

I heard a Pastor speak once about how God doesn't want our leftovers.  As I cleaned out the fridge and loaded the dishwasher I kept thinking about this concept of giving God the leftovers.  I can't remember the entire thought the Pastor was getting at, but it went something along the line of giving to God the first of our time, energy, money, and so on.  I'm sure it is a valid principle but it wasn't the direction that my thoughts were headed. 

God was clearly saying to me He does want my leftovers. 

#1. My leftover time.  This is huge.  How often do we finish a task only to sit on the couch and veg out for the next 15 minutes until the next task comes along.  Give God that leftover time. Text a friend that needs encouragement, pray for your husband, listen to some praise and worship music on you tube, write a note to your Pastor, read a devotional on-line, or sit still and ask God to speak.

#2. My leftover money.  Little bits can make a big difference.  The change in the bottom of my purse can go in the jar for missions, a 5 dollar bill can buy lunch for a homeless guy, a small donation can help send a teen to a youth retreat, shampoo, conditioner, and body wash can be dropped off at a local women's shelter, and a generous tip can make the difference in your server's day.

#3.  My leftover energy.  What? Leftover energy?  Well, lets be honest.  Some days are slower than others and at the end of the day you know a little physical exertion would help you sleep.  Wash the windows of the church, pick up trash in the parking lot, mow the yard for the single mom down the street, offer to babysit for the young family you see every week at church, volunteer to chaperon the next youth group activity, or man the grill at the next church BBQ.

#4. When leftovers is all I have.  God still cares.  He knows you're tired, broke, and exhausted.  Some days all we can do is take care of ourselves we don't have anything left to give to others.  Kids get sick, cars break down, company comes to visit, water heaters die, emotions overwhelm, accidents happen, and emergencies pop up.  Life happens but it's in these moments you can crawl in bed, bury your head under the covers, and cry or you can dig through the fridge and pull out those leftovers.  Draw strength, boldness, courage, and wisdom from the things you have in your life and step forward.

How will you use your leftovers today?  I'm going to give mine to God.

What Really Matters

This afternoon I have reached a point of contemplating what really matters.  I have been pushed down this line of thinking by two seemingly unrelated situations yet maybe my answer to the first dilemma is actually my answer to the second. 

Okay so here's the deal. 

Situation #1  The hill/mountain directly behind my house was on fire this morning.  As it turns out only about 15 acres were burned and the fire was contained before it became a dangerous threat.  Never the less, it did raise the question for Jake and I of what we value in our home and whether we needed to get anything out of the house before getting ourselves to safety.

Situation #2  For our life group that we are in at church we have homework this week.  We are supposed to write down what our core values are for our family. 

Now you see why I sit here contemplating what really matters.  On one side I am looking at my physical possessions and asking myself what of it has the most value to me.  On the flip side, our core values are not caught up in what we own.  They are the reality of how we live our lives each day.  So what does really matter?

I loved that when I asked Jake what I needed to get out of the house his answer was myself and Zoe.  He made no secret of the fact that the things in the house are just things to him.  He looked at me and said that Zoe and I are all that matter.  Things can be replaced, we cannot.  Having this mindset is a good reminder that for our family one of our core values will forever be this.  It is the people in our lives that matter, not the things. 

It's always a challenge when you have to look at your own life and evaluate what it is that you place the most value in.  Today is a very good reminder for me to hold my physical possessions very loosely but to pour my heart into the people in my life. 

Mommy

Mommy.  That one little word has so much emotion attached to it.  It meant the world to me when that dollar store pregnancy test read positive.   It made me cry when I first heard Zoe cry. Mommy is the way I refer to myself a hundred times a day while I interact with my daughter. I am passionate about being a mom and being the best mom I can be for my Zoe bug.

In the last few days Zoe has switched from calling me "Mama" to calling me "Mommy."  It is a small change I know but it is just one more example of how fast our kids grow up.  I have often been asked if I feel like the time is going too fast.  And each time I give my answer I get different responses.  Well, that's fine.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  But I will share my answer to that question with you this evening.

Do I feel like the time is going too fast? No. No, I don't.  I know, I know I just commented about how Zoe changing from calling me mama to mommy is yet another sign of how fast time goes by.  Well, that's just it.  The time does go by fast.  That is why I have chosen to be present in her life.  That is why I read to her everyday.  That is why I play tea party and build towers with her, I tell her stories I make up as they go along, and I talk with her while we wander the isles in the grocery store. That is why we sing songs in the car and we do the hand motions for every nursery rhyme I know.  That is why I push her on the swings, I climb up the slide at the playground with her, and I play hide-n-go seek all over the house.  I know the time is going fast and I want to make the most of all the time I have.  I don't want to look back in six months or six years and ask myself where I was while Zoe was growing up.  I want to look back and see that I was right there with her. 

I don't feel like the time is going too fast because I am living out each day with my daughter.  Not all days are fun and games.  We still have sick days and bad weather days and stay in our pj's days and don't leave the house days but those days are important too because they are a part of who we are. 

We all have the same amount of time each day and each of our days go just as fast so please chose to be present in your children's lives.  When our little ones are grown we won't remember what happened in which season of our favorite TV show, how many text messages we got covering the latest neighborhood gossip, what the latest buzz was blowing up facebook, or which DIY craft project was all over pinterest.  We will remember the time we spend with our children.

Zoe is worth my time.  I am blessed to be her Mommy.

A Weekend Away

Friday afternoon I got in my car and drove up into the mountains to spend the weekend at a ladies retreat. 

One would think that after such a weekend I would be bursting forth with inspiration and motivation.  I should have something profound and life changing to write about.  The truth is I don't. 

You may be thinking to yourself that we must not have had a very good speaker but I promise you that is not the case.  Our keynote speaker for the weekend was wonderful.  She did something that not many people are willing to do.  She talked to us about life.  About her life.  She is a beautiful example to me that how you see someone today doesn't show you anything about their yesterday.  I loved her words and her honesty.

The problem is this.  I sat up there and met new people and made new friends. We talked, we laughed and we even did some crying.  I kept having the same thoughts come back to me. Why was I so willing to invest in these strangers but I ignore the strangers in my everyday life.  The mom at the playground that I force myself to make small talk with, the lady sitting by herself at the ice cream shop, the older gentleman out for a walk with his dog that Zoe just has to pet, and even the couple that sit just down the row from me almost every Sunday at church. 

It's time for me to get outside my comfort zone and make an honest effort to reach out to others.  So, wish me luck.  I have a fresh batch of cookies Zoe and I are going to take over to the neighbors house this afternoon.  Yikes!

Toddler Temper Tantrums

I have been told that temper tantrums are a normal part of having a toddler.  I choose to not except that.  Temper tantrums may be something every child goes through but Zoe and I are learning together how to conquer this monster.  There have been days that the tantrums have gotten the best of one or both of us but we are not giving up.  We don't want temper tantrums to have a place in our home.

There are no magic answers but here are a few thoughts on toddler temper tantrums.

1. A temper tantrum is a toddler's way of expressing the frustration of that moment. 
It may be frustration at not getting their way, at not getting the toy they want, of not having control of the situation they are in.  It could be their frustration at not having the ability to communicate what they want, what they are feeling, or what they need.  It's hard to be little.

2. Temper tantrums are not 100% avoidable but there are ways to prevent them.
*When your toddler is hungry, thirsty, or tired they have a lower threshold for what they can handle and temper tantrums are much more likely to occur. 
*Plan ahead!  If you are going shopping go when they are fresh.  If you are going to be waiting in line take a snack or toy with you.  Don't linger next to something that you have already told them no about.
*Let your toddler feel some control by making appropriate choices.  When it's time to get dressed let her choose the pink dress or the yellow one.  At lunch time, grilled cheese or crackers with peanut butter.  Then praise her for the choice she made.
*Talk to your toddler.  Although they may not understand everything you are saying they might surprise you by what they do pick up.  Tell them what needs to be accomplished before you can leave for the playground.  For example, we are going to go potty, get dressed, brush hair, and pack a snack. 
Also give them a warning when you are going to be transitioning to a new activity, ex. you have 5 more minutes to color then it's time for lunch.

3. Decide ahead of time how you are going to handle the tantrum.
Many people will tell you the best method for dealing with a tantrum is to ignore it.  Well, this doesn't work for me.  Ignoring the poor behavior doesn't help Zoe to feel validated and it doesn't help me to feel like the best mom I can be for my daughter.  Here are some of the ways we handle different tantrums.
*Encourage your toddler to use their words.  Although your toddler may not voice a complete thought chances are good she can get her point across. For Zoe, "no no door" is likely to mean that she didn't want Mommy to close the door she wanted to do it herself.  Once she has had her say then I am able to reply, "I know you wanted to close the door but Mommy did it this time. Thank you for telling Mommy.  I am very proud of you when you use your words."  When she is able to have her frustration repeated back to her it validates what she is feeling and lets her know that though I may not agree with her I am aware of her desires. 
*Create a diversion.  This is not my favorite way of dealing with tantrums but it can be very effective.  For example, while grocery shopping Zoe spies the gummy snacks that although she has never had before she just has to have now and a full blown meltdown is about to take place laying in the middle of the isle.  I may ask her "What sound does a kitty cat make?"  Since kitties are currently her favorite thing in the world (Thanks Auntie Anne) I am likely to hear "meow" for the next two isles but by then I'll have her busy helping me find some crackers or whatever else is on the list.  This is also the same situation in which after Zoe has spied the gummy snacks and is about to become a hot mess I will reach in her bag and pull out a toy or other previously stocked snack to distract her with.  These are the times a toddler's short attention span comes in handy.
*Physical contact-my hand on your hand.   This is used when the tantrum is about doing something that the toddler doesn't want to do.  If you tell your toddler to put on her coat only to be met with a tantrum, ignoring your child will give her exactly what she wants.  Not to put on the coat.  Time-out in this situation would do the same thing, it would prolong the little one putting on the coat.  Try this instead, tell you toddler I'm going to put my hands on your hands and we're going to do this together. Then you can gently force the coat on.  Picking up toys might go much the same way.  When the child begins to throw a fit at having to pick up you can tell your toddler I'm going to place my hands on your hands and we're going to do this together.  By the time the toys are picked up the tantrum is often forgotten.
*Hugs. Giving the temper tantrum toddler a hug is both one of my favorite and one of my least favorite things to do.  You may think this is the last thing you want.  Your screaming child right next to your ear but it can be very effective.  I'm talking about a big firm hug, not a super cuddly one.  Hugs can make children feel secure and sometimes they just need a safe place where they can get their emotions out.  Holding a fighting toddler is not easy, but once Zoe has cried for a minute she is ready to snuggle, talk, laugh and move on.


4. A few key things to remember. 
*Speak calmly
*Keep your own temper in check. You're not going to get anywhere with your toddler if both of you are screaming at each other. Take a deep breath, gain control over your emotions, and then talk to your toddler.  Firmly let her know that tantrums are not acceptable behavior.
*If you give in to the tantrum by giving your toddler what they want or letting them get out of doing what they don't want to do the tantrums are going to continue.
*Remember, your ability to stay calm and in control will help your toddler feel secure.
*If you lose your cool or give in to your little one's demands, you'll only teach your toddler that tantrums are effective.
*It's okay to ask for help.  Talk to your friends, your parents, and your pediatrician.  They might have a suggestion that can really make a difference.

In closing, do Jake and I think that our house will be temper tantrum free? Not likely.  We do however know that as we learn to work through these temper tantrums we are showing Zoe that she is important to us.  She is a very special part of our family and our home is a place she can feel safe.  A place she can express the things she is feeling, but most of all a place that she is loved. 

Friends

There are so many different types of friends that it's hard to group them into this general thing we call friendship. I want to share with you my thoughts about some of the different friendships in my life and why I am thankful for them. 

My Husband-This one is first because this is the friendship that is the most important.  I am thankful that he is mine and he knows me like no other. He encourages me to grow and become a better version of myself.  I am so thankful that he values me and our relationship above all others.  He is my best friend and I wouldn't have it any other way.

My Best Girlfriends-These ladies are awesome. They are the people in my life that I spend time with on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis.  I am thankful that we are able to bounce ideas off of each other and learn from one another's mistakes. I am thankful for the play dates with our kiddos, the bbq's with our whole families, and the ladies nights with just us.  It's with these ladies that I am truly in my own skin.  I don't worry about how clean my house is or if Z is having an off day.  I am thankful that these ladies can make me laugh, or let me cry.

My Mentors-These are friendships that I value greatly.  They are people that I can learn from.  They are friends that will challenge me to get outside of myself and grow.  I am thankful that they hold me accountable and push me to want more for myself. I am thankful that they make me evaluate what is important to me and what I am passionate about.  They have taught me to dig deeper into my relationship with God, and to live a life that will leave a legacy.

My Fellow USMC Spouses-These ladies take the cake.  I am thankful that it doesn't matter if we just met or have known each other for years.  They get it.  I am so thankful for the support that is offered with this unique group of friends.  Long explanations are never required but these friends are always there. I am thankful for pizza night when our husbands are in the field and babysitting night when he's not. 

My Acquaintances-It is this group of friends that reminds me how important it is to live a life I'm proud of.  I'm thankful that they are my constant reminder to let Christ's love show through my actions.  If they only see me for a few minutes I don't want them to see me loosing my temper, being disrespectful to others, or complaining about whatever situation I may be in.  I am thankful that my acquaintances make me watch what I say and the attitude with which I say it.

So you see, these are just some of the different friendships in my life.  Our friends are people just like us.  They need to know that they are important and that we appreciate the role that they play in our lives.What friendships are you thankful for today? Have you told that person? 

A friend's worth cannot be measured with dollar signs but with the words that are spoken of them.